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Now I can’t say I’ve never played Shaq Fu.

Yep. I’ve played it. It’s not good. If it helps you sleep better, you could say I’m just not good at it and I have thrown in the towel and run off to play different games that aren’t as sophisticated. But first, hear me out.

Ladies and gentlemen, I give you, the Sega Genesis masterpiece: Shaq Fu!

I once saw a Bruce Lee movie where Kareem Abdul Jabar was facing off against Bruce with a basketball... This game is somehow more silly.

I once saw a Bruce Lee movie where Kareem Abdul Jabar was facing off against Bruce Lee with a basketball… This game is somehow more silly. 

I don't want to see any racial stereotyping going on here! You hear me akhmed?
“I don’t want any racial stereotyping going on! You hearing me, Aladdin?”

A middle eastern guy with a scimitar? Really? I never would have seen that coming. I mean, I expect that behavior from Activision but EA? Come on!

A middle eastern guy with a scimitar? Really? I never would have seen that coming. I mean, I expect that behavior from Activision but EA? Come on!

So after some frantic button mashing looking for my best offensive weapon I found my kick has a good reach. So that's what I'm going with.

So after some frantic button mashing looking for my best offensive weapon I found my kick has a good reach. So that’s what I went with.

"Hang on! I wasn't ready yet! My foot didn't kick! You're cheating!"

“Hang on! I wasn’t ready yet! My foot didn’t kick! You’re cheating!”

So it appears as though my opponent saw through my crazy martial arts style and has mastered the technique of the diagonal jump. I'm doomed.

So it appears as though my opponent saw through my crazy, made-up, martial arts style and has mastered the technique of the diagonal jump. I’m doomed.

I accept my fate like the warrior I am. I quit.

I accept my fate like the warrior I am. I didn’t lose, I quit!

Oh harsh mockery! Your bitter sting bites deep into my recent scimitar wound! "But wait, what you don't understand is that I DO play a sport and, well, its not that I'm really good at it so much as I just have really long legs that move me closer to my goal. I'm not trying to be defensive here I'm just giving clarity to your open ended statement."

Oh cruel mockery! Your bitter sting bites deep into my recently made scimitar wound!
“But wait, what you don’t understand is that I DO play a sport and, well, it’s not that I’m really good at it so much as I just have really long legs that move me closer to my goal. I’m not trying to be defensive here I’m just giving clarity to your open-ended statement.”

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2 responses

  1. Boon

    As much as I love fighting games, you’ve convinced me to pass on this one.

    May 3, 2013 at 11:31 pm

  2. Its my philosophy that one can more fully appreciate a true masterpiece of beauty, if they poke a dead cat with a stick once in a while.

    more or less…

    May 4, 2013 at 12:27 am

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