Now I can’t say I’ve never played Shaq Fu.
Yep. I’ve played it. It’s not good. If it helps you sleep better, you could say I’m just not good at it and I have thrown in the towel and run off to play different games that aren’t as sophisticated. But first, hear me out.
Ladies and gentlemen, I give you, the Sega Genesis masterpiece: Shaq Fu!
I once saw a Bruce Lee movie where Kareem Abdul Jabar was facing off against Bruce Lee with a basketball… This game is somehow more silly.
- “I don’t want any racial stereotyping going on! You hearing me, Aladdin?”
A middle eastern guy with a scimitar? Really? I never would have seen that coming. I mean, I expect that behavior from Activision but EA? Come on!
So after some frantic button mashing looking for my best offensive weapon I found my kick has a good reach. So that’s what I went with.
“Hang on! I wasn’t ready yet! My foot didn’t kick! You’re cheating!”
So it appears as though my opponent saw through my crazy, made-up, martial arts style and has mastered the technique of the diagonal jump. I’m doomed.
I accept my fate like the warrior I am. I didn’t lose, I quit!
Oh cruel mockery! Your bitter sting bites deep into my recently made scimitar wound!
“But wait, what you don’t understand is that I DO play a sport and, well, it’s not that I’m really good at it so much as I just have really long legs that move me closer to my goal. I’m not trying to be defensive here I’m just giving clarity to your open-ended statement.”