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Tarding

Many of you have asked me, what is this “tarding” you keep referring to? So I’m going to tell you. It began many years ago on a N64 in my parents living room.

One of my good friends, oh lets just call him Steve, and I were playing 007 on the N64. That was THE game on the N64 and that’s why I bought one with the little money I had. On this beautiful Saturday, Steve and I began our 007 around 10am. I believe we took a break for some Taco Bell, as usual, but around 10pm I came to the conclusion that we had wasted our entire day indoors, playing 007. We had a lot of fun, virtually, but the real world had slipped us by. What-ifs, and should-ofs flooded my mind as I contemplated why we sat there all day, and wasted a Southern California Saturday in front of my TV when we could have been outside pursuing other less-nerdy interests; Riding bikes, going to the beach, heading downtown, and in all of these pursuits was the possibility of meeting girls, something that cannot be obtained through a 12 hour marathon of 007.

007 Goldeneye N64

As I sat there feeling sorry I’d lost a complete Saturday I turned to Steve, who was in the middle of a mission, and said:

“Dude, we suck. We stayed indoors all day playing video games.”

“Yeah. So?”

“We’re retarded! Complete social tards!”

“Yeah! We’re tards!” Steve said without even blinking.

And that is how “tarding” was born. Conceived out of an understanding that the outside world with its people, places and fun activities are all nice, but we’d rather just stay indoors and play video games. That’s tarding.

Over time “tarding” has morphed to illustrate varying degrees of social retardation.

Tardageddon VII

Tarding – playing video games when you could be engaged in socially appropriate behavior.

True tarding – tarding during daylight hours.

Tinkerbell tarding – ending your tard session before midnight (usually at the scorn of your buddy who doesn’t have to work the next morning).

Tarding hard – tarding past midnight.

Tarding too hard – tarding til the sun comes up the next morning.

Tardageddon – A LAN party. We lost count but I think we are on Tardageddon XI now.

Tard parties – See Tardageddon.

So the next time your friends invite you to spend a day outside at the beach or otherwise engaging in healthy social interactions, just tell them “no thank you. I’d rather be tarding.”

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